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White Bean and Spinach Soup

23 Nov

ImageI don’t know what’s up with my body, but I went from just a little tired, no bigs, to DYING OF THE FLU in the space of 10 minutes yesterday. I’m not the type who can rest unless I’m literally on the verge of death, so I’m shaking this thing off and getting cooking. Earlier this afternoon, I took some Dayquil and wandered around Goodwill for about an hour. I bought an amazing dark blue crushed velvet catsuit for like $10. Then, I invented this recipe for a bitchin’ vegan soup that can cure what ails you if you are me and you pair this soup with plenty of fluids and get your crazy ass back to bed.

the Ingredients:

1 small onion, chopped up like crazy

9 or 10 cloves of garlic, peeled and quartered

4 stalks of celery, chopped

1 large zucchini, cubed or whatever you like

1 15 oz can of white beans

4 cups (1 container) Pacific Natural Foods Vegetable Broth

1/2 cup brown rice

1 bag of lazybrand bagged spinach

the Gameplan:

Okay, so chop the living crap out of that onion. It’s okay to cry a little. If you’re super sensitive like me, you should probs remove your eye makeup before you even start. Next, peel that garlic and quarter it up. Finish chopping your veggies and throw them in a stupid bowl or something. Open your can of beans and rinse all that slimy bean juice off of them. Pro tip: rinsing your beans now will help you fart less later. If you like farting, by all means, skip this step! Next, grab a big old cauldron and get it hot on your stove. Toss a little olive oil in your cauldron and saute the onions and garlic on a medium high heat. I like having big old bites of garlic in my soup but if you’re a wimp or a vampire or something I guess you can handle your garlic situation differently. Just know that I am silently judging you.

When the onions and garlic start looking transparent and soft and it smells like you’re cooking something, throw in the celery and zucchini and saute them for a couple minutes. Feel free to add a pinch of sea salt if you have it on hand. It sends a message to your heart that you’re not afraid of no sodium. When you feel like your veggies are about to cry out for mercy, drown them in the broth. Add in the beans and rice and bring that shizz to a boil. Once your proto-soup is boiling and covered, bring the heat down to a simmer and go do something else for a while.

Oh crap, I guess I’m stuck here for like 45 minutes to an hour, however long stupid rice takes to cook. I guess I’ll try and think of a good name for my blog. God, this is hard. I wonder if the first boy I ever kissed is on Facebook. I bet he has really bad taste in music now. Uuuugh, why can’t I find him? I hope he didn’t die. Oh balls, the rice is done!

Okay, when the rice is done, open up that bag of spinach and dump it in. Cover the pot and simmer until the spinach is cooked. Mix that spinach in and soup’s on. Cowabunga dude! For extra credit, enjoy a nice cold winter flavor Blue Moon while you’re cooking and pound half a gallon of OJ when you’re done.

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2 Responses to “White Bean and Spinach Soup”

  1. writing4sanity December 28, 2011 at 10:24 am #

    Umm, I continued reading some of your other posts, very funny.. makes me wonder if an American Naked Chef (Jamie Oliver) and JPMetz had a child šŸ™‚

    • Megan Liscomb December 28, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

      Thank you so much! You’ll have to keep me posted on your meatless journey!

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