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Stuffed Acorn Squash

10 Dec

Being cold makes me really angry sometimes on a primal level. This last weekend, I was about to cut a grown man open and sleep inside of him like Luke does to that snow beast on Hoth, and all because he made me stand outside of a bar for like an extra 30 seconds. Luckily for the men of San Diego, I got a space heater. I guess you guys are safe… for now….

I know there are much colder places to live, but let’s face some facts. I don’t care if you’re in Maui or Antarctica; the temperature in your apartment should not be hovering in the high forties. Especially if you are like me and you don’t actually generate body heat. Once I get cold, I am going to stay that way until an outside force acts upon me. I’m pretty sure that’s one of Newton’s Laws of Whatever. Look it up, it’s in a book!

I bought this stupid squash because I remember my mom baking it full of hot butter and sweet maple syrup and in a fit of hungriness and shivers I threw them in my shopping basket. They are also super delicious if you bake them full of butter, garlic, goat cheese and walnuts. Hey, that was my idea! Czech it out:

Preheat your oven to 325. Cut the squash in half and scoop its guts out. If you prefer to use every part of the beast, hiding squash guts in your cheeks is probably a great way to simulate vomit. Totally optional.

Next, rub a nice pat of butter over each half of the squash and leave the remaining dollop inside the squash. Imagine you will be cooking two sweet little bowls of butter. Peel and quarter a few cloves of garlic. Put your garlic in the butter bowls and throw the whole mess in the oven.

Now you have thirty minutes to huddle around your stove with your cat and make deals with your God. If you will make it warmer, I will stop using your name in vain on Sundays. If you make it warmer, I won’t show my collar bones or my ankles or wrists in public ever again. Just give me a sign, what do you want???

Okay, after thirty minutes, fill each squash with crumbled goat cheese and crushed walnuts. Add a little more butter if you’re so inclined. Cook for another fifteen minutes and serve piping hot with a spring salad, a glass of two buck chuck and the Christmas movie of your choice.

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2 Responses to “Stuffed Acorn Squash”

  1. writing4sanity December 28, 2011 at 9:06 am #

    Ok, this is the second post I’ve read from you, the first was something about a basket of tampons and chocolate, hilarious .. Keep writing!

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